Winter Olympics

Vancouver isn’t the only place that has winter olympics this year. I, personally, have been competing in several events this year. The upside is, my reflexes are honed to perfection, and I’m learning new skills every day. The downside? You be the judge.

Many events are similar to those being played out on a daily basis at the many Vancouver venues; others are completely new contests, devised to test the skills of the staunchest competitor.

Hockey
My version is played out on the highways and byways of central Iowa. The object of this game is to avoid the other players as they slide across the ice. The winner is the person who arrives at their destination with the least damage to themselves and others.

Skating
Similar to hockey, this game is also played on ice, although the conveyance is by foot rather than automobile. The object is, once again, to avoid injury to self and others. Points are given for style, degree of difficulty and the ability to stay upright.

Slalom
This game is again played in an automobile. Here, the objective is to avoid obstacles placed in your pathway. These obstacles include snow drifts, large snow balls, rocks, tree limbs and various living creatures. Style again plays a large part in the scoring, as does the ability to avoid large repair bills for things such as alignment, wheel replacement and shock absorbers.

Moguls
Living on a gravel road, as I do, gives me an advantage in this particular sport, since I am able to practice year-round. Once again played in an automobile, this game requires stamina and the ability to counter-steer. As in the official olympic sport, the player is required to navigate through an uneven series of bumps and dips in order to make it to the end of the course. The course becomes increasingly more difficult as additional snow and ice are added throughout the course of the winter.

Pot Hole Peril
This game is also played in an automobile, although a simpler version is played on foot. The loser is the one whose car falls into the biggest hole. This game becomes more difficult later in the season as the holes grow in size.

Tunnel Vision
Another game played either on foot or in a car, tunnel vision depends greatly on the ability to pile the snow higher and higher and making the pathway more and more narrow. Claustrophobia can severely limit the competitor in their ability to navigate the course.

Snow Plow Chicken
This game is played out on the same course as ‘Tunnel Vision’. Amateur versions have competitors meeting cars, vans and pickup trucks on ever-narrowing lanes. In the professional version, competitors meet snow plows, semis and other large vehicles. The loser is the person who first chooses to back up, or the one whose vehicle has the most damage.

How Deep is that Drift?
This game can be played out either on foot or in an automobile or other vehicle. The object is to guage how deep the snow is in a particular area and find the best pathway without getting stuck.

In each of these contests, visibility, precipitation and temperature are factors. The competition is fierce, but with practice and a bit of luck, you too can be a champion.

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